


slowdance on the inside

by adreamaloud, daneorange (adreamaloud)



Series: everything must go [3]
Category: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:31:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2483141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adreamaloud/pseuds/adreamaloud, https://archiveofourown.org/users/adreamaloud/pseuds/daneorange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>nanning, and everything after. piper and alex have forgotten – or have they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. we might be strangers

**Author's Note:**

> part 3 of the eternal sunshine au. several liberties have been taken, all errors are mine. thank you for sticking with this 'verse. it's been fun. :)

_Nanning it is,_ Piper thinks, standing behind Alex at the check-in counter, wondering what the _fuck_ she is doing with this one-way ticket out.

 _Like I have anything better to do._ Piper smiles as she settles right beside Alex on the plane, taking the seat by the window. Alex just smiles at her briefly before returning to her book – an old Fodor’s guide to China, or something. Piper cannot seem to focus. _Come on, Piper. This is not the first time you’ve traveled with an attractive person._

Still, Piper feels giddy like everything’s happening for the first time, and _yet_ there is that unmistakable _I’ve been here_ vibe that she can’t seem to shake off. _Damn,_ she thinks, stealing glances at Alex on the plane, fingers gripping the arm rest to keep from touching.

_Who are you and why do you make me feel this way?_

Alex says nothing throughout the whole trip, calmly leafing through her book. Once, through a particularly shaky turbulence, Alex lets Piper hold onto her wrist, which had been lying on the armrest between them.

“Never pegged you for a nervous flyer,” Alex says, eyes glued to her book.

Piper says nothing, content to just hold on.

*

At touchdown, Alex turns to her and says, “I don’t have a plan.”

Piper blinks. She cannot put her finger on exactly _why_ she is surprised – just that Alex seems like someone who has it together – someone who at least knew the next step.

“You look surprised,” Alex says, unbuckling her seat belt and standing up, opening the overhead compartment with both hands. Staring up at her like this, Piper thinks Alex looks incredibly _tall_. “You need anything up here?” Then, off the blank look on Piper’s face: “Hey Pipes.”

 _Pipes._ “What did you just call me?”

“Laura Ingalls Wilder,” Alex says, laughing low; the sound reminds Piper of boots crunching against gravel. “I’m kidding.” She looks into the compartment and takes two bags out. “I guess this is yours.”

Piper takes the bag from her hand. “Yeah. Thanks.” She unbuckles her seat belt in kind, watching the people around them start milling about, emptying compartments and preparing to deplane. “You were serious then?”

“About Laura Ingalls Wilder?”

“About not having a plan,” Piper says.

Alex looks away. “Does that surprise you?”

“We’ve only just met,” says Piper. “Everything about you is bound to be a surprise.”

Alex smiles at her, brow arched lightly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Depends what you’re thinking I’m saying.”

Alex laughs again, shaking her head. The sound puts a shake in Piper’s knees. “I don’t have a hotel.”

“Neither do I.”

“Two girls touching down in Nanning this late in the evening, trying to book a hotel,” Alex says. “What were we even thinking?” The way she smiles though tells Piper she knows _exactly_ what her answer’s going to be.

Overhead, one of the flight attendants announces that the exits are now open. Alex turns to Piper, gestures for her to get into the aisle ahead of her. “Come on. At least I speak a little Mandarin.”

*

Alex gets them into a taxi soon enough, and after showing the driver the hotel’s address on a card, they’re off. Piper had simply crawled in after Alex into the back seat quietly; after disembarking, she’d been too tired to say anything, not even as Alex booked their hotel rooms in one of the kiosks at the airport lobby.

“You all right?” Alex asks, hand on Piper’s knee lightly as she leans closer, peering into the night through the window on Piper’s side.

“I’m fine,” Piper says, swallowing hard. “Just exhausted. And starving.”

“Heard the hotel has a fantastic buffet spread,” Alex says, grinning. Piper watches the city lights playing across Alex’s face, her eyes growing wide. _She’s never been here before,_ Piper reminds herself, letting a small smile spread on her lips. “You seem to be happy about that.”

Piper blinks. _Caught._ “I am,” she says instead, nodding. “Hard not to smile at the thought of a buffet when you can’t remember the last time you actually ate.”

“Airline food not included?”

“Airline food not included.”

Alex laughs, her hand gripping Piper’s knee gently. For a split-second, Piper wonders why it doesn’t feel more awkward; why it all feels _normal,_ to be sitting this close to her. “Craving anything in particular?”

“Japanese,” Piper says almost immediately. “I’d kill for some salmon right now. You?”

“I just need a drink,” Alex says. “I bet they’d have some wicked salmon. You’ll see.”

The rest of the drive is quiet. Traffic on Nanning’s streets at night is moderate and bearable, though it does take some time for the cab to reach the hotel, which stands right in the heart of downtown. Piper spends the taxi ride staring at the lights wrapped around the buildings, trying to read signage written in an entirely different language.

*

“Thank goodness for English-speaking staff,” Alex says under her breath, handing Piper her room card after check-in. “Dinner’s at the 6th floor. Meet you there in thirty? I cannot _wait_ to wash the grime of this day off me, you know.”

Piper stares at the card in her hand. “We’re not roomed together.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d want—wait, did you—”

 _Shit._ “Did I just say that out loud?”

Alex laughs, adjusting the bag on her shoulder before sliding a pen out of her breast pocket. “Here,” she says, pulling Piper’s hand closer.  “I’m staying at the 11th floor.” She scribbles her room number over Piper’s wrist before signing underneath with her initials, both caps: _AV._ She punctuates it with a small heart. “So you’ll know where to find me.”

Piper smiles, trying not to be so flustered. _Goddamn,_ she thinks, memorizing Alex’s number. Everything from her neck up feels inordinately warm _. There’s no lying through this blush._ “Okay,” she just says. “I guess you already know my room number.”

“I checked you in, remember?”

“Right.” Piper nods, biting down on her lip. “I guess I’ll see you at dinner.”

“It’s a date.” Alex grins at her, adjusting her glasses. “You followed me all the way to _Nanning_ , and you’re still flustered when I flirt with you.”

“Sorry, it’s just—” _I don’t know you. Not really. I mean, do I?_ “I just met you.”

“Right,” says Alex. “You met me at a very strange time of my life.”

“You know what? Me too.”

They share a brief round of laughter before quieting down. Piper shifts her eyes to the floor, staring at Alex’s boots against the hotel carpet.

“Listen. You don’t have to join me for dinner,” Alex says. “I’d understand if you’d want to sleep in, or whatever – it’s been a long day, and we’ve been sitting for _centuries—_ ”

“I’m coming down for dinner,” Piper says, pressing the elevator button. It opens almost instantaneously, and they step inside, bathed in the warm yellow glow of the elevator’s lights.

Alex looks at Piper through her reflection on the elevator door. “All right.” And then, “I’ll see you eh?”

“Let me just get out of these clothes,” Piper sighs. “Wait. That didn’t sound right, did it?”

“I liked the way it sounded just fine.”

“Right.”

The doors open at the eleventh floor. “This is me,” Alex says, stepping out tentatively. And then, turning around one last time, hand against the closing door: “You’ll really come down for dinner? Because I want you to come. For dinner, I meant.”

 _Oh, fuck this._ Piper puts her hand on Alex’s, pushing the elevator open further and stepping out after her. “Well, if you were so worried about me skipping out on you, you should have just put us in _one room_ ,” Piper says, gently shoving Alex forward.

“You’d like that?” Alex asks, walking on.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Just—where the fuck is your room?”

Alex slides her hand into hers and _tugs._ “This way.”

*


	2. take me to church

“We’re probably missing dinner, aren’t we?”

“Yeah.”

Piper stares at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. Beside her, Alex is still laughing softly, pressed flush against her. Alex is warm, and it’s a startling contrast to the feel of the cool sheets against Piper’s skin.

“We could order room service,” Alex suggests, clearing her throat. She’s propped up on an elbow, looking at Piper amusedly as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind Piper’s ear. “What are you craving?”

 _You._ Piper stares at Alex wordlessly, if only to watch her lips moving. Alex’s tongue darts out briefly to lick her lower lip, and Piper’s mouth goes dry. “Anything. I need a drink.”

Alex pushes herself off Piper and crawls out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her as she moves for the phone on the bedside table. Piper watches her dial, handset pressed between shoulder and ear. That Alex looks strange and familiar at the same time unnerves her for a brief moment. _It’s weird, how normal this feels._

Piper reaches out for the tail of the sheet and tugs, grinning right at Alex, who turns to her, mouth open in a silent laugh. _No,_ Alex mouths at her before turning to the receiver. “Yes, we’d like to order room service.”

They eat in front of the TV. Piper lets Alex choose what to watch – not that there’s plenty of choices in the first place, with 80 percent of the channels a showing a Chinese-language newscast, given the hour. They settle for a Chinese-language drama subtitled in Spanish; something about it makes it good background noise, at least.

“How’s your order?” Alex asks, fork in the air and mouth half-full.

Piper shrugs. “Delicious,” she says. “Though my food assessment’s probably shot; anything should be delicious when you’re this hungry.”

“That why you’re here in my room?” Alex asks, narrowing her eyes at Piper.

Piper bites down on her lower lip. “That’s different.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Piper says, swallowing. She turns to the TV for something to pick up on – any other conversation material to steer it away from _this._ “Oh look. Storm’s coming.”

“What?” Alex puts down her fork and adjusts her glasses as she focuses on the TV. “Well, shit.”

“Sets back a handful of your _plans_?”

Alex laughs. “You seem to forget I don’t have any.”

“Looks like we’re waiting this storm out indoors.”

“I call dibs on the couch by the window,” Alex says. “Of course, supposing you don’t have better plans.”

“You seem to forget I don’t know this city at all.”

“Afraid of a little solo adventure, are we?”

Piper shakes her head. “Just—best to be where you are, right?”

Alex holds her eyes for a moment before breaking out in a laugh – the sound so full it fills the room and bounces off the walls before settling on Piper’s shoulders, warm like a coat. “Sounds like a plan,” she just says.

“A _good_ plan,” Piper says.

*

“I think that can accommodate _two_ people.”

Piper sighs, leaning against the doorway to the bathroom. Everything about the room is _huge_ , and for the first time that night, Piper actually manages to scan its _amenities._ Alex’s room has an executive desk near the entrance and the bathroom has not one but _two_ doors opening outward, it’s like she’s fucking heading into a _ballroom_.

“Now that’s just fucking excessive,” Piper says, half-empty wine glass in hand as she stares at the bathtub.

Alex whistles, smoothing the marble countertop before turning the faucet on. “So? Live a little.”

“I’m more a shower kind of girl.”

Alex motions to her right – the shower’s behind a glass pane – and Piper notes the smirk on Alex’s lips. “ _Okay._ ”

“I’m just saying – something in here for everyone.” Alex dips her toe into the water to check the temperature before letting out an excited giggle. “So—are you in?”

Piper feels her eyes widen. “You mean—”

“I _mean_.” Alex keeps staring at her as she approaches, resting both hands on Piper’s shoulder before cupping her neck and pulling her closer – close enough that she feels Alex’s breath tickling her upper lip. “Come into the bath with me.”

Piper tries to look away but fails, her face burning with that _wanting_ again. “I don’t think that tub’s built for two.”

“Prove me wrong,” Alex says, closing the gap and kissing her.

*

Piper has always loved the water; always loved feeling clean.  

And while she’s not really of the habit of getting into tubs with strangers, she’s more than willing to make an exception for this one.

Alex cocks her head to the side, pushing her glasses up. “So?”

Piper wraps her robe around her body tightly, suddenly shy. “Yeah,” she just says, perching herself upon the edge of the tub. “Give me a minute.”

“The water’s warm,” Alex coos, nudging her with a wet toe. “You seem to forget I’ve seen _that_ – just a while ago, actually. And I remember liking every inch of it.”

Piper thinks there’s no way to blush even harder, but she probably is – she could tell just by looking at how much wider the grin on Alex’s face gets. “Flattery takes you places,” she just says, finally slipping out of her robe, letting it drop to the bathroom floor as she sinks in right beside Alex, careful not to spill too much of the water as she sinks.

“See?” Alex says, kissing her shoulder. “That wasn’t so hard.”

Truth is, it’s all so easy – and that’s what’s entirely troubling about it. At the back of her head, Piper can’t help but think: _Now’s probably a good time to step on the brakes._

 Or something.

“Say something,” Alex says, touching Piper’s thigh under the water.

“Like what?”

“Something about yourself. Anything.”

Piper watches as Alex removes her glasses before letting her head fall back and rest against the wall behind her. “Anything?” Piper repeats dumbly.

“Just—keep talking,” Alex says, eyes now closed. “I like hearing you.”

Piper feels herself shiver. “Says the girl whose voice sounds like _yours_.”

Alex laughs, splashing water at Piper blindly. “Come on. Just – tell me about the last time you were in a tub.”

Piper has to strain to remember. “Well,” she says, leaning against Alex. “My best friend got married, and the hotel room had a tub.”

“And you were… in this tub with your best friend? The bride, I presume?”

“Hell _no,_ ” Piper says, swatting Alex’s arm, the slap landing wetly on the skin. “I mean I love Polly, but—”

“Not enough to get naked in a tub with her.”

“We’re close but not _that_ close.”

Alex hums, eyes still shut. “I feel strangely honored to be naked in this tub with you right now.”

Piper swats her harder. “ _Jesus Christ,_ ” she says, laughing. “Do _not_ put it that way.”

“God,” Alex says, inhaling as she shifts underwater, eyes opening slowly. “You sound even hotter when you’re mad.”

“Fucking _stop_ ,” Piper laughs harder, splashing Alex with more water, and Alex lets out a surprised squeal. The water spills over, soaking the bathroom floor, their legs rubbing together as they moved. To Piper it feels like being electrocuted in small doses.

There’s a small struggle that ends only when Alex finally manages to grip Piper’s wrists firmly. Piper notes how there are traces of Alex’s initials still there on her skin, the faded ink now running. Alex holds Piper’s hands close to her chest, and slowly, Piper opens them so she could touch Alex’s bare skin lightly with her fingertips, trying to feel for her heartbeat underneath.

“You feel so familiar,” Piper finds herself murmuring. “Like I’ve known you all my life.”

“Maybe you have,” Alex says, smiling. “Or maybe you’re mistaking me for someone else. I don’t know. Does it matter? You’re here now, aren’t you?”

 _Naked in your tub with my hands on your chest._ Piper finds herself smiling inwardly. “I’m here now,” she repeats, nodding. “And that’s okay, right?”

“It’s not so bad,” Alex says, sticking her tongue out at her.


	3. slow dancing in a burning room

Piper wakes just before sunrise and finds Alex sitting on the couch, watching her. “Fucking hell,” Piper says, startled. “Were you—did you sleep? Did you sit there all night?”

“Sorry,” Alex says, sighing. “I—I’ve been having these bad dreams. Couldn’t sleep.”

Piper sits up, concerned. “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” says Alex. “Go back to sleep.”

“Bullshit,” Piper says, patting the empty space beside her on the bed. “Come here.” Alex offers a weak smile before getting off the couch and crawling back in under the sheets. “Want to talk about it?”

“It’s so—strange, it’s embarrassing. You’d think I’m crazy.”

“I followed you all the way here,” says Piper. “I think my threshold for crazy’s pretty high.”

Alex laughs, sounding almost broken. “All right,” she says, lowering her head to the pillow and lying down facing Piper. “I keep dreaming I’m in this clinic, and I’m hooked to this huge helmet device.”

“Huge helmet device?” Piper says, confused. “What does it do?”

“I feel like—or at least in my dream it feels like—I don’t know. It’s weird. But it feels like the thing’s _wiping my brain_. Like a hard drive. I know it sounds crazy—”

“No, not at all—I get it,” says Piper. _Holy shit – the fuck is this? A joke?_ “It’s just—I’ve been dreaming too.”

“No shit.” Alex’s eyes go wide in the dark, and for the first time on this trip, Piper sees a semblance of fear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I was going crazy,” says Piper. “That’s why—that’s why I bought a ticket out. I wanted to _clear my head_. Funny actually, thinking about it.”

“My head feels like it’s full of _holes_ ,” Alex says. “I mean. My mind’s a dark void, sure, but some days when I try to remember it’s like staring at a newly emptied shelf – like, I _knew_ something used to be here, and now—” she trails off at that, inhaling deep and closing her eyes. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Piper offers, after a long silence. Alex nods as she sinks into the bed further. “If you want—I could, I don’t know. Watch you. If you start having bad dreams, it’d show on your face, right? I’d wake you.”

Alex smiles sleepily. “Like an anchor.”

“Like an anchor,” Piper says.

*

Outside the rain starts pouring, the sound drowning out Alex’s soft snores. _This woman must have not had decent sleep since god knows when,_ Piper thinks, holding onto her wrist lightly, like she’s _tethering_ her.

_Don’t go too far, now._

As with all the tender things, something about this moment also tugs at Piper, like she’s done this before – why else would anything feel this comfortable? _You’re_ _like an old shirt I’ve forgotten about,_ she wants to tell Alex, watching her face closely for signs of distress. 

Piper does not know how long they stay that way. Once, during a particularly loud rumble of thunder, Alex lets out a small whimper that _shifts_ something inside Piper’s chest. _No,_ she thinks, touching Alex’s face lightly. _You don’t get to do this to me._

When the sun finally comes, it does so tentatively, peeking through the curtains in thin slivers.

“Alex,” Piper whispers, looking at the clock. Eight thirty. _Come back to me._ She scratches lightly at the underside of her wrist, and slowly, Alex stirs awake.

“Hey.” Alex’s voice is morning-hoarse and familiar. _What does that even mean?_ Piper asks herself. _This is my first morning with her._ “Kid. You’re still here.”

Piper smiles. “How was it?”

“Hm,” Alex says, stretching idly on the bed. “Dream-less. Like a blank sheet of paper. Which is a good thing.”

“Good,” Piper says. “We could still catch breakfast, if you want.”

“Time is it?”

“Eight thirty.”

Alex fumbles for her glasses and rolls out of her side of the bed, sheets rustling. She puts her hair up in a messy ponytail before looking over her shoulder. “So. Bacon?”

“Bacon,” Piper says, grinning.

*

The restaurant is huge, like everything else in this hotel, and Alex chooses one of the tables by the window. It overlooks the city, and Alex lets out a small sigh before they are approached by one of the servers. Alex smiles as she gives her their room numbers. “Coffee?” she asks Piper.

Piper just nods, transfixed by the view.

Nagging feelings of déjà vu notwithstanding, everything else over late breakfast feels so _ordinary_ – the way Alex keeps stealing her fries; that confident way she goes about fixing Piper’s coffee without a word. The way she sits back and opens the paper casually, fruit in her other hand.

“Is that newspaper even in English?” Piper asks.

Alex shrugs. “No. It’s also a couple of days old, but the pictures are nice.”

Piper laughs, turning to the window. “Sky’s clearing a bit.”

“Maybe we could take a walk,” Alex offers.

“Maybe.”

The pavement is wet when they step out, and Piper huddles closer to Alex for warmth, both hands shoved into the pockets of her jeans. It’s still somewhat drizzling, and Piper wishes they’d brought an umbrella along.

“You have an idea where we’re going?”

“Nope,” Alex says, giggling. “Wasn’t that kind of the point?”

Piper lets Alex lead – tall, confident woman who turns into narrow alleys like she could read what’s written on the street signs. At some point, Piper starts worrying she might get lost, so she finds herself threading her arm into Alex’s, hand slipping into hers.

It feels like the most ordinary thing.

*

“I think we should just make a run for it,” says Alex.

They’ve been stuck under the waiting shed across the entrance of the hotel for fifteen minutes, trying to wait the heavy downpour out.

“I told you we should have brought an umbrella,” Piper says.

Alex laughs. “You did _not_ suggest an umbrella. At any point during that entire walk.”

Piper shivers lightly. The rain is still pouring hard. _Why had I not worn a jacket, at least?_ “Fine. You want to run?”

“I don’t know. Can your legs manage?”

“Please,” Piper says. “My legs are _fine._ ”

“Wouldn’t argue,” Alex says, grinning. She breathes in deeply before: “You ready?”

The sprint couldn’t have taken more than 30 seconds, but still, Piper feels herself get soaked to the bone, her jeans heavy with rainwater and her shoes drenched. “That,” she says, trying to shake the water out of her face. “That was a horrible idea.”

Alex just laughs even harder, wiping at her glasses, ridiculously trying to dry them on her shirt, which is just as soaked. “Yeah,” she says, grinning at Piper like a child. She reaches out to push Piper’s hair away from her face. “We are horrible runners.”

“Let’s never do that again.”

“Except when we’re about to miss a flight.”

There’s a brief flash of _something_ in Piper’s head, where she sees the two of them running through a long lobby, skirting passengers walking idly with their suitcases in tow. The memory of it is so vivid, Piper’s chest starts pounding with all that remembered _exertion._

 _That was neither Nanning nor Schiphol,_ Piper thinks.

“Did I say something? You look pale,” says Alex, the amused look on her face fading quickly and replaced by worry. She feels Piper’s forehead with the back of her hand, like she’s checking for fever.

“I’m fine,” Piper says. “Just—something I remembered.”

Alex just nods, though she does not look convinced. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”

Piper manages a small, faint smile. “Actually one of the better ideas you’ve had today.”

*

Piper steps into the shower first, getting under the water and keeping still for a full couple of minutes before she feels Alex come in after her. There’s the tell-tale sound of the glass panel sliding to a close, but the stall is spacious enough that they don’t touch, not yet.

Piper’s eyes are closed, but she doesn’t need to _see_ Alex to know how close she is; the warmth Piper feels from behind her is enough. For a moment, Piper holds her breath, like she’s waiting for Alex to move closer.

 _I need you so much closer._  

“Al. _Alex._ ”

Alex clears her throat, reaching for her finally. “I’m right here.”

Something happens that moment Alex’s hands finally settle on Piper’s skin – it’s not at all unlike being electrocuted, and Piper has to draw in a sharp breath. Suddenly, Piper is seeing Alex in a totally different light – like there’s _weight_ coming down on her shoulders, and there’s a rush through Piper’s head.

_Paris. Istanbul. Bali. A passport in the bottom of a drawer. An airport baggage counter._

“Piper?”

Piper backs away from Alex, turning off the shower. “I—I have to go.” Piper pushes past her, grabbing the towel on the rack and wrapping it around her body haphazardly as she tumbles back into the room, looking for her bag.

 _Dry clothes,_ she tells herself, trying to catch her breath. She doesn’t quite understand what she just remembered, but it all felt like a fist wrapping around her heart and _squeezing._

“Piper, Jesus— _Wait_ a minute.” Alex emerges from the shower, hurriedly putting on her glasses and robe. “What—are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Piper says, distracted. She’s opening her bag and pulling out dry clothes, putting them on without thinking. “I mean—I don’t _know_.”

“I don’t understand—”

“Me neither,” Piper says, shrugging her shirt on last. Alex watches her with a hurt, confused look on her face that Piper just wants to _kiss better_ , but for some reason, she feels that wouldn’t help. _Why does this feel so certain?_

_Why does it feel like I’ve had this argument before?_

“Does it have anything to do with the dreams?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does it have something to do with whatever you remembered this morning?”

“I don’t _know_.”

“You never tell me about the things you remember—”

“ _I don’t know, Alex,_ ” Piper sighs. “If I did—I would have figured it all out by now, wouldn’t I? I wouldn’t be here wondering why you’ve always felt familiar – there’s _something_ about you that I do not quite understand.”

“You’re mistaking me for someone else – that’s normal, Piper,” Alex says. And then, putting her hand on top of Piper’s: “Can you _please_ stop packing your clothes.”

“I’m not—I’m not _leaving._ ”

A shade passes over Alex’s face. “There’s _something_ about you, too, Piper. Just so you know. I don’t understand it either.”

Slowly, Piper sinks into the bed, right beside her open luggage. Her heart’s still in her throat and around her the air still feels so thick and difficult. “What do we do now?”

Alex leans back against the table, hands inside her robe’s pockets. “I guess we should start talking about those dreams.”

*


	4. you were good

They don’t talk. Instead, Piper closes her bag and gets herself a cup of coffee before retreating back to the bed, back against the headboard as she watches Alex flipping through TV channels on mute.

Outside, the downpour gets heavier; Piper turns to the window, squinting as she tries to see the city through the blanket of rain. “It’s so gloomy out there,” she says finally. In the quiet of the room, her own voice seems to surprise her.

“Talk about our timing, huh,” Alex says, looking over her shoulder briefly to catch Piper’s eye. Piper tries not to think about how Alex is still probably naked inside that robe; how she is so casually perched at the foot of the bed right now, remote in hand. “The _one_ time we go to Nanning.”

“It rains like _fuck_.” Piper smiles. “Just our luck, hm?”

“Yeah.” Alex lets out a little laugh. “Of all cities.”

Alex scans the channels until she finally settles for the hotel’s in-house station, which showcases the hotel’s amenities and nearby attractions.

“Plans for the night?” Piper asks.

“Maybe we could try the dinner buffet spread, for once.”

“And then?”

“If it isn’t raining, maybe we could, I don’t know – go to one of the bars?” Alex gestures to the TV screen, now showing them a street map, their hotel marked with a bright red star in one corner. “There’s one two streets over—”

Piper finishes her coffee, setting her cup aside before crawling toward Alex’s edge of the bed, curious. Alex inches slowly to the side, moving to accommodate her. “Think it’s safe?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Piper laughs. “You,” she begins, pointing an accusing finger at Alex playfully. “You make me somewhat kind of… _reckless._ ”

“And you’ve only just met me, huh.”

“Maybe,” says Piper. “Remember that is still up for debate.”

“All right,” Alex says. “Suppose our old souls once knew each other – so what?”

“ _Old_ souls.” Piper finds herself smiling wider than usual – she’s never really pegged Alex to be a _New Age_ -y sort of person. “You into that kind of thing?”

“You’re the one who keeps telling me I feel like someone you _knew_.”

“I don’t know -- maybe an old me once knew an old you?”

“It’s entirely possible,” Alex says, turning the TV off finally to face Piper, her eyes twinkling with a _happiness_ so palpable Piper feels it like a caress. _The way this person looks at me,_ she just thinks. _Like she’s had lifetimes of practice._ “Imagine that – every you and every me, doing it over and _over_ again.”

“And I’m supposed to feel _how_ about that?”

Alex moves closer to plant a chaste kiss on Piper’s nose. “I don’t know about you,” she says softly. “But I’m feeling pretty damn lucky.”

Piper wants to say something, but she does not have the words, so she opts to kiss her slowly instead.

*

It’s still drizzling by nightfall, but Piper decides she does not care. Instead, she and Alex cap their dinner with a couple of beers before deciding to head out anyway.

“We could bring an umbrella,” Alex offers, smirking.

“Fuck off,” Piper just says.

They befriend a couple of girls along the way – two college-age girls who happen to also be walking toward the bar at the same moment. They speak good English, and the both of them are wearing transparent raincoats over their little black dresses. Piper elbows Alex lightly, like she’s saying, _Try not to stare._

Alex says nothing, but the grin on her face says volumes.

The place is dim but not so packed; the girls just shrug and say, “It must be the rain.” At the entrance, the doormen greet them and let them pass, eyeing Alex and Piper briefly before concluding they’re in a group together.

“Do you come here often?” Piper asks, following the girls to a corner table.

“We have a lot of friends here,” they say, gesturing for the two of them to sit, before motioning toward the bar for the drinks list. Emily, the taller one, points to the boys by the door and says she sat with them in one of her English classes last semester.

“Ah,” Alex says, nodding, hand casually perched on the small of Piper’s back. Piper tries not to shiver at the _intimacy_ of the gesture. “What are you having? First round’s on me.”

They let the girls talk – about the city, about the weather, about boys who never paid attention. Alex just laughs in between sips, keeping up with the banter every so often. “Boys,” she just says, shaking her head. “Their loss.”

The girls sigh, downing the rest of their beers. “You’ve probably never had boy problems. Have you, Alex?”

Alex raises her brow, trying not to laugh out loud as she eyes Piper conspiratorially. “None that I remember,” she says, before turning the question toward Piper: “What about you?”

“I’m more the _career_ sort of gal,” Piper says, winking at her.

“And now here you are,” Emily says. “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

Piper laughs as Alex nearly spits out her drink. “Careful,” says Piper, rubbing Alex’s back.

“Careful, yes,” Alex says, coughing lightly and wiping at her lips with the back of her hand. “Careful what you wish for.”

*

“Wanna dance?”

Piper blinks, realizing that Alex is now drunk enough to be yelling over the music _and_ asking her all these weird things. “What?”

“I said: Wanna dance?”

“You’re drunk.”

“What? No!” says Alex, standing up, hand outstretched. “And I can prove it, too. Come dance with me.” And then, going ahead and tugging at Piper: “Come _on._ ”

“ _Fine._ ” Piper gets up and tumbles after her, empty bottles shaking on the table as she bangs her knee lightly against an edge. “But don’t get your hopes up too much.”

Alex pulls her closer, an arm hugging Piper loosely around the hip. “Surprise me.”

Piper rolls her eyes, but she tries moving anyway, in the best coordinated way she could manage, granted the number of drinks she’s had all night. Alex laughs in her ear throughout her effort, her breath hot against Piper’s neck, her arms tightening around Piper’s waist.

Piper doesn’t recognize what’s playing – something about a girl singing about beverage and yards and _God, is it really too much to ask for these lyrics to make sense?_ But it all seems to energize Alex, for some reason, as she laughs even harder, chest heaving against Piper’s.

“You don’t recognize this song?” Alex asks.

Piper shakes her head. “No.” And then, “God, you’re an adorable drunk. Do you know that?”

“What? I am _not_ drunk.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Alex just looks at her, laugh eventually subdued to halting giggles, the blush on her cheeks almost unbearable to look at under these swirling lights.

When the music picks up, Alex starts practically _shaking_ , like she’s about to come apart just from the _energy_ that’s bursting out of her and Piper can’t help but dance along just as vigorously. At the end of the three-song mash-up, Piper’s already heaving, catching her breath in quick, deep breaths.

“Christ,” Piper says, wiping at her brow. She feels so damn warm and _alive_. “You all right?”

“I just need the bathroom,” Alex says, slowly easing herself off Piper. “Be right back.”

Piper sits near the bar, asking for a glass of water. The music has relatively slowed down, perhaps in deference to those who, like Piper, would like a moment to catch their breaths. Piper looks around, trying to look for their two new friends—they must have left when they saw the dancing.

 _And for probably good reason,_ Piper just thinks, downing the rest of her glass.

After a restless while, she decides to follow Alex to the bathroom; she’s been taking quite long anyhow, and somewhere at the back of Piper’s head, she’s begun to worry.

She hasn’t even turned the corner when she hears Alex talking, her voice raised. “Look, I don’t know how you know me, but I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about.”

Piper peeks slowly, the pounding in her chest getting the better of her: In that dim corridor, it seems like Alex is talking with a man, who is gesturing at her with shaky hands.

“Come on, Alex. Please,” he’s saying, his accent thick. _He’s from around here; but Alex says she’s never been here before?_ “I need it. You _have_ to have something. You always have.”

“Man, come on,” Alex says. It occurs to Piper that Alex is trying to shake something off – looking closer, Piper sees that the man is holding Alex by the elbow. “I do _not_ have whatever it is you’re looking for. You got the wrong girl.”

Worry wraps itself tighter around Piper’s heart. _This is not good._ Breathing in, she decides to step out of the corner and come closer.

“Piper,” Alex says, warning in her tone.

“Alex. Let’s get out of here.”

The man shifts her eyes between the two of them, confused, before finally leaving Alex and going back to the dance floor.

“What was that about?” Piper asks.

“Fuck if I know.”

*

Alex is quiet for most of their walk back to the hotel. Not that Piper blames her – Alex tries hard not to look so shaken, but Piper can feel it radiating off her skin anyhow, the confusion and the anxiety mixing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Alex says finally, as they step into the elevator.

Piper breathes out as the doors close. “Did you even know that guy?”

“I didn’t, I swear, I’ve never—” Alex pauses, trying to catch her breath. “I swear, I don’t remember having met him before.”

“What was he saying?” asks Piper, remembering with a shiver that man’s bloodshot eyes. “Was he—was he selling you _drugs_?”

Alex shakes her head, saying nothing as she waits for their floor. Piper holds her breath for a handful of tense seconds. Alex breathes out when they reach their floor, and Piper jumps lightly at the sound of the elevator opening. “I couldn’t understand what he was saying,” Alex says, stepping out first. “I think—I think he was trying to _buy_ drugs from me.”

 _What?_ Piper stops walking, grabbing Alex’s arm and turning her around in disbelief. “ _You’re_ a drug dealer?”

“ _Fuck_ no,” says Alex immediately. “ _Fuck_. No.”

 *

That night, it almost feels like Alex does not want her there.

“I have a room,” Piper says. “If you’d like to be alone for a moment—”

“ _Don’t,_ ” Alex just says, looking out the window.

Piper exhales. _Not tonight then_. “I could also stay. If you want.”

Alex nods. “You could stay,” she says softly. “I’d like that.”

Watching over Alex as she sleeps that night, Piper reminds herself: _It’s not her fault she doesn’t remember._ Piper thinks back to all the things she feels she _should_ know but doesn’t. _That’s me forgetting, too, isn’t it?_

It half-surprises, half-confuses her actually, the way Alex seems all too fragile when looked upon this way. _Just a stranger in the airport,_ Piper thinks, touching Alex’s hair lightly, careful not to wake her. _Just two people who did not know each other’s names._

When Piper closes her eyes, she falls asleep to the rhythm of Alex’s breathing, resting dreamlessly through the night.


	5. first defeat

“There’s a guy who’s been checking you out since he got here,” Piper tells Alex over dinner. The day so far has been uneventful, save for this one instance, and Piper feels herself go on the defensive again; that characteristic chill in her bones.

“Really?” Alex says, nonplussed. Casually, she looks over her shoulder for a glimpse. The gentleman in the corner table catches her eye and smiles.

“Do you know him?” Piper asks.

“No,” Alex says. “I don’t remember having met him before.” And then, possibly off the look on Piper’s face: “Just eat your dinner, then let’s get out of here.”

The urgency alarms her further, truth be told, but Piper just shrugs, pretending she’s not the least bit worried. “All right.”

Right around dessert, the man approaches them as feared. _Might as well ask what the hell all that staring has been about._ “Can we help you?” Piper asks.

The man ignores her, turning to Alex. “Do you know me?”

“No. Should I?”

Smiling, he just says, “That’s a damn good operation you had, Vause.”

There’s a thoroughly confused moment that settles on the both of them before Alex finally blinks. “Excuse me, what are you talking about? _What_ operation?”

Shaking his head, the man reaches into his suit and pulls out a small brown envelope. “For when you start asking more questions.”

“What’s this?” Alex asks, but the man has already begun walking away, leaving the package on the table without so much as a goodbye. “That prick didn’t even introduce himself,” she says, reaching for it.

“What is it?” Piper leans closer to the table, curious. “Is it—is it _drugs_?”

Alex holds her breath like she’s worried for a moment that it _could_ be drugs. She pulls a small black box out, and inhales deeply before opening it. Piper closes one eye, afraid _._

“Sure you don’t want to take that to the room?” Piper says. _I’m not about to get arrested for possession in a foreign country, am I?_

“Just a peek,” Alex says, chewing on her bottom lip. Slowly, she pulls up the cover and peers into it.

“Well?”

Alex pulls the thing out of the box, brows knit. “It’s a cassette tape,” Alex says, holding it to the light like she’s expecting another thing entirely. “Who still uses a cassette tape?” And then: “How are we even going to _play_ this thing?”

Piper shrugs. “Well. We _are_ in China. I suppose this place would have something.”

*

Alex stares at the old Walkman they manage to borrow from one of the hotel staff.

“Well,” Piper says, sitting on the bed beside Alex. “It’s better than nothing.”

“You’re probably right.” Alex turns the device around in her hand, like she’s actually studying it. “I’ve forgotten how to use these things.”

Piper smiles, taking the thing from Alex’s hands and prying the tape deck open carefully before pressing play. There’s a soft hiss that accompanies the steady rotation of the gears. “I think it works just fine,” she tells Alex. “The real question is – are you ready?”

Alex shrugs. “For all we know, it’s a heavy metal mixtape.”

Piper plugs in their earphones and offers one of the earbuds to Alex. “Only one way to find out.”

“Right.” Alex crosses her legs to sit on the bed Indian-style, and Piper sits closely beside her, simultaneously excited and anxious. _What’s with the mysterious analog technology?_ Piper wonders.

“Here we go,” Piper says, pressing play. Static fills the first few moments of the tape before the voices start coming in.

 _Why don’t we start with your name,_ the first voice says, his tone careful and calculated. Piper imagines an old man in a white doctor’s suit, sitting across Alex in a clinic flanked by white walls. Piper reaches for Alex’s hand that’s resting between them and squeezes, thumb lightly scratching her skin.

_My name is Alex Vause._

“Holy shit,” Alex says, disbelief in her tone. “That’s me.”

_And I’m here to erase Piper Chapman._

Alex presses the Stop button abruptly, cutting off her own voice.

“And that’s… me,” says Piper, feeling all the blood leave her face.

*

There’s a long, stunned silence between them, as they both try to process what they’d just heard.

“I _knew_ you,” Alex says finally, her voice hoarse. “And I _erased_ you.”

Piper looks at Alex, mouth open in confusion. “Is this a fucking joke?” she asks. “Because if it is, _haha_ Alex, very funny—”

“ _Fuck_ ,” says Alex, gritting her teeth and rubbing at her temple with her forefinger and thumb. “You think this is a _joke_?”

“Are you saying whatever’s in this tape is _real_?”

“I’m saying whatever this joke is I’m _not_ in on it.”

Piper drops the Walkman on the bed like it’s a hot metal box, shifting her eyes from the player to Alex. _I want to believe you._ “What do we do now?”

Alex takes the Walkman off the bed, thumb on the play button. “I guess you want to hear the rest?”

Piper wants to say _No,_ but the look on Alex’s face tells her she’s not hearing any of that. “Well,” she says instead, sitting up straight. “We’ve come this far.”

*

The cassette runs roughly for an hour and a half; it hurts so horribly in several places that Piper can’t bear to look at Alex’s face while listening. None of it makes sense, of course; whatever this thing was, people made sure it left no trace.

Alex listens intently through it all, eyes fixed on the surface of the bed, her teary mess of a face turned away from Piper.

_It’s probably for the best. Clean slates. When you get to her, maybe you could suggest—maybe she’d want to erase me too._

Piper listens closer as this pause is caught on tape, imagining Alex sitting in that clinic, sniffling and wiping at her glasses incessantly. There’s a dull sound in the background; it sounds a lot like tissues being pulled out of a box.

_Can you—will it hurt? I mean, the procedure._

_You’ll be asleep throughout, Miss Vause._

_Good,_ this Alex says, blowing her nose. _I don’t want it to hurt her either._

_I believe the pain is not in the procedure itself._

The sound of more tissues being pulled out, and Alex blowing her nose harder.

_Just—do it right._

*

Piper tugs at her earphones and breathes out, long and slow, listening to the tape run out, the rest of it just static. _Well, that was fucking exhausting._ She watches as Alex gets up. “You’re a drug drealer?” _Jesus, Piper. Really?_ She bites the tip of her tongue the minute the words are out; of all the things to say first.

“I don’t know,” says Alex, pacing and distracted. “Maybe? That’s what the tape says.”

“Jesus fuck.”

“ _Jesus fuck?_ ” Alex says. “ _You_ left me in Paris.”

“Because the drugs were destroying your life!”

“But my mother died!” And then, more somberly: “My mother’s _dead_.”

Piper chews on her lip at that. _What were the chances that she had forgotten that, too?_ “I’m sorry, Alex,” she says, lowering her eyes to the floor. “I’m so _so_ sorry.” Piper does not know what to think – should she hate her old self? Surely she must have had her own reasons, but still: Alex’s mother _died_.

_How could I have been so heartless?_

Alex keeps walking around the room restlessly, fingers running through her hair like she’s trying to reconstruct her days. Piper tries not to imagine how _blank_ everything must feel; how _empty._

“What do you remember from the morning you went to Schiphol?” Piper asks quietly.

“I _knew_ something was wrong,” Alex says, her voice breaking. “But I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.”

“That was why you were there.”

“Yes.”

Piper pauses to consider that day herself – how _lost_ she’d felt, how _confused --_ until that moment she saw Alex scanning the flights. “That was why I was there, too, you know.”

Alex looks at her, glasses removed. Like this, she seems so _defeated._ Like she’d just given up, right there and then, at figuring things out.

“I’m not—that girl’s not me anymore, you know?” Alex says softly, sitting on the couch by the window. “All those things I’ve done— _we’ve_ done—that was our life, I know, but—”

“That’s not me anymore either,” Piper says. “But it doesn’t make any of those any less true, does it? Somewhere inside me – a part of me would still be a _semblance_ of her.”

“Piper.”

“Look—I know, there’s a side of this story we don’t know yet, since we only have your tape right here, but things you said about me—”

“I don’t even _know_ the girl who said those things about you—”

“Well, _that_ girl once knew the girl I _was_ very well,” says Piper. And then, she adds softly: “God, I was a monster, wasn’t I?”

“Pipes, hey,” Alex says, approaching the bed again and sitting right beside her, putting a careful hand on Piper’s knee. “You’re _not_ a monster.”

“I left you in Paris.”

“Well, I _was_ a drug dealer,” Alex says, exhaling. “What a ride that must have been, huh.”

“You said I knew what I was in for,” Piper says. “I mean, the _you_ on the tape. God, this is _crazy_.”

“It is, isn’t it.”  

“What if deep inside, there’s just this… _horrible_ version of me that no one else but you could bring out?” Piper asks. “What if this is really how it goes with me?”

Alex buries her face in her hands and says nothing. Piper feels the pounding in her chest. _This is it,_ she tells herself. _Game over._

After a long wordless while, Alex finally says: “So what?”

 _What?_ “What do you mean _so what_?” Piper repeats dumbly. “Fuck you, Alex. What if you were right? What if the clean slates _were_ for the best?”

“What if you and I were actually better off not knowing each other?” Alex asks. Piper flinches at the words but nods anyhow. “In what _universe_ is that acceptable, Piper?”

“I don’t know,” Piper says. “Maybe this is some higher power re-arranging our lives, and we’re just—getting in the way of it, or whatever, _Alex._ You—you sounded irreparable. Like I had shred you to pieces.”

“Listen to me,” Alex says, looking Piper in the eye, hands now around Piper’s wrists. “I don’t care.”

“That’s what gets you into trouble.”

“God, I hope so,” Alex replies, managing a slight smirk. “But really—I _don’t_ care. There’s something about you that draws me to you, no matter the futures—”

“And what if we break each other again?”

“So what?”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“But what if it does?” Alex smiles at her, like she is _genuinely_ convinced of what she’s just said. “What if this is the lifetime we get this right?”

Piper stares at Alex, studying the lines on her face. _What if?_  “You mean--”

“Inevitable, right?” Alex says, softly. “No point resisting. I mean,” she pauses for a bit, like she’s thinking about her next words. “We had our brains wiped, yet we’re still here.”

Piper finds herself laughing at that – at some point, even laughing so hard it hurts her chest. “It’s like,” she says between bursts. “Like we don’t have a choice. Like we can’t escape each other.”

“When you put it that way, you make it sound like we’re each other’s prison,” Alex says, smiling. And then: “Too soon to make that joke?”

“Too soon,” Piper nods, touching Alex’s cheek. _At least this tear-stained face is now smiling,_ she just thinks. “What now?”

Alex leans in and kisses her softly—it feels so _new,_ and like nothing Piper’s ever had in all her recallable pasts. “I don’t know. I guess we go back to the start.”

“The start,” Piper murmurs against her lips. “A good place. I think,” she just says. #

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that has been a ride. Thanks so much for giving this AU a shot, ridiculousness notwithstanding. :) You have all been wonderful. :)


End file.
